Pictures and covering a lot of ground :-)

Hey all!! Who is a blogging epic fail? This girl! But this post is gonna (hopefully) cover what I've wanted to say (and do it via pictures, yay!).

This is from C.S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory which is absolutely brilliant. For quite a while actually I have been struggling with feeling like I don't fit in. I still struggle every day.  There are only a select few people I feel I can be myself around.  But anyhow, this book and a realization (that I am selfish when I feel like I don't belong when I'm doing things with other people) have changed me.

We are strangers in this world.

We were made for more.

It's really not a good thing to "fit in."

Basically, nothing I can do can push God away.  Is that not crazy awesome?? I mean, seriously.  I can be such an idiot and He somehow loves still.  And His creation is just beautiful, so I've been loving editing pics of nature :-). 

Life can be so confusing.  Just when I think I've got it figured out, I realize that I've been pointlessly prideful and I really know nothing at all.  I caused myself some major pain recently, and it wasn't until I realized I was being a monster that I could let go and confess that I messed up pretty badly.  And it was in said state of brokenness that God showed me the below verse (romans 13):

Somehow, the picture of being clothed with Jesus hit me hard.  Wearing Jesus.  Having Him define my everything. That's what I want, desperately.  And I had not read this before, but realizing that it's a conscious choice of THOUGHT to not sin got me.  Blog world, will you keep me accountable to this verse? God wants me to live it. 

That's scary. And awesome.

Now, on a light note, let's not try to fix things we have no business sticking our paws into.  If you're feeling out of control (like me!) then let go and let God.

~Elissa

[all pictures belong to me except the "lol cat"]

Venting/Praying/sorting through some stuff :)

This post is kinda weird...But if you're struggling in any way, maybe you'll relate. 

I don't even know if I'm going to post this, but I seriously feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't blog.  I'm kind of slowly-surely been losing my mind over the past few weeks. Or quite possibly it's been the past months but i didn't see it. Who realizes it when they're going nuts?


So yeah. Yesterday and today I realized that I can't keep up a normal conversation without feeling stupid, acting stupid, or saying something stupid. I just don't know. I feel so stupid!


Alrighty. Scratch that. Lately life has been a learning experience.  Life ain't bad at all for me. I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends, and even if my relationships are wrought with imperfection, they are a blessing.  I have everything I could possibly want in the way of education and the ability to follow my  dreams.

And yet there's this aching for more.  Usually it's fed by wasting time. Just plain slaughtering time. Tonight I spent 3 hours on youtube, for example.  Sometimes the achy emptiness comes up and is too big to ignore, and I feel panicky and maybe that's why I feel stupid. Sometimes I act recklessly. I'm NOT saying I have an excuse. I am saying I need to find a way to fill this that's not sinning or pointless.

I really, truly want to reach people. I want to shine a real genuine light in other's lives. But honestly I can't do that without God.  Something I read today kinda hit me... it was in My Utmost for His Highest. 


"No matter what changes God has wrought in you, never rely on them, build only on a Person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit He gives. All our vows and resolutions end in denial because we have no power to carry them out. When we have come to the end of ourselves, not in imagination but really, we are able to receive the Holy Spirit."


I fully believe my reading that was providential.  I feel at the end of myself. Not because I'm mourning or anything in particular is wrong, but I just feel empty. Or rather, honestly, I feel like I've tried every "dessert" on the table but didn't get the specialty, the main dish.  Like I've been wasting away doing nothing important.

I HAVE relied too heavily on the changes He's wrought.  I've thought that I'm too modest to fall into sin, too kind to fall, too considerate to fall, too moral to fall, to loving to fall. But still I ended in denial. Like Peter, failing the test of allegiance.  So what went wrong? According to Oswald Chambers, it's because I did not build my hope on Christ alone.  And I never really accepted the Holy Spirit as being what I need because I'm nothing on my own.  I want to change NOW, Lord. But if You want me to wait on You, I'm ready to do that.  I want to spend my life on something worthwhile. Wherever you lead, Lord. Lead on.

Why nothing can ever shake our confidence

When the world crashes in, that's when we are given the hope that never dies. 

Deuteronomy 31:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Nothing can separate us from Him. Just take a breath and consider that promise... He goes WITH YOU. Wherever you are.

Like anyone, I've had my world turn upside down.  But when it did last time, I made a fatal mistake...I forgot that it's happened before. I forgot what He's lead me through. I forgot that He is there with me in the valley of the shadow of death.

Even though I can't say I've felt as much loss, as much darkness, as much death, as some, I can say that regardless of circumstance, He is there.

He's not a slave to your circumstances. You are. You can escape into His arms.  You can move past whatever enslaves you. You can press on when the world is upside down.

Happy New Years!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!

I thought I'd share what my "New Year's Prayers" (Yeah, I decided to call them that :)) were for 2011.

1. Not wear makeup until May 5th, 2011 (my 16th birthday).

2. Ask God in concerns of modesty.

3. Spend the rest of my teen years, starting now, learning what GOD thinks about me, not what others think of me.

4. Seek how God wants to be glorified in the things that mean the most to me: riding, writing, and music.

Yep, that was it! I just wanted to seek His face more...to love Him more...to not let anything else dictate how I lived.  I'm so grateful for everything I've learned this year.  It wasn't easy. It wasn't particularly pleasant at times.  But it was worth it.

11 things I learned in 2011


1. It doesn't matter how something feels. It can feel right and be wrong...and vice versa.
2. There is never, NEVER a point when He isn't there for me any longer.
3. He will lift the heavy burden and give me rest.
4. Pride is the most addictive drug and the most painful living death.
5. Even when I begin to doubt the most fundamental of my beliefs, there is hope in a single cry, a single prayer.
6. When I find my happiness in something other than God, I become bitter. But in Him, not sin, is pure joy.
7. Emotions just plain stink.
8. I want to fall into the space in between me and God.
9. Worship is a way of living, not being on a stage.
10. You never know whose life you are reaching if you are simply living in love.
11.  Life comes down to the fact that God holds the future and we must trust Him.

Blog readers, I just want you to know that I love you... Let's make 2012 a new year. Let's live in new ways. Let's embrace a new chance to change the world for the people around us, through Him.

~Elissa

My Poem :)

I'm working on a sestina poem for extra credit in my lit class (which I desperately need incase finals went poorly) and this is what I have so far! Critical comments welcome :). 

Time's Reflections

A little girl among the toys gazes

At herself upon a tiny play mirror.

Her toothy grin a gap reveals

And the fairy’s coming later for her.

This child innocent views a reflection

For purposes unselfish, joyous, free.

Time’s running; a decade has flown past free

From cares that hound she who now gazes

Once more within a glass at her reflection.

More value she longs for within the mirror,

Yet deep inside she knows it holds for her

Nothing better than what the surface reveals.

Years later, her scarred heart reveals

A longing from these addictions to be free.

As she views the tears, knowing they cost her,

She finds a hopeful thought while she gazes.

The expectations that glared from the mirror

Were shown not worth living for in reflection.

On a golden rosy day she catches the reflection,

In a shining pond, a face blissful from love reveals.

Her own and her prince’s together in the mirror

The image she cherishes within her heart, free

 That day, from past opinions or strict gazes

Of ghosts of older days--love has freed her.

Decades later, a viewer could find her

Taking a introspective look at her reflection

But not in vanity or in sorrow, she gazes

But rather in the happy memories it reveals.

Though her days grow short, her heart is free

Past behind, heaven ahead, smiles the mirror.

Creator above sees she who looks in the mirror

And His heart sings as He watches her

Because she is His alone, she is free

From sin, from death, from her reflection--

Those evil to her, as He to her reveals.

“Fearful, wonderful,” saying He gazes.

Now as her, press on in what He reveals.

Take care not to take long gazes in a mirror

But to rejoice, free from your reflection.

~Elissa Branum

Merry Christmas!

Anything there is to say about Christmas is summed up in this beautiful blog post. I would fully recommend you read it :).

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light. On those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned...For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isa 9:2,6).

He is born to be our light, our hope, our everything. Oh come, let us adore Him!

Merry Christmas, bloggers!

~Elissa

Dark Staircase

Do you ever feel like you're walking down a dark stairway?

 Do you ever feel as if your life is a strangling, dark casm full of fear and doubt?

I have. Honestly, we probably all have. But what I've experienced this year has taught me this:

When you're traveling down a dark staircase, reach out and take hold of the rail.

When I am walking in the dark, I become confused. I begin to question what I believe. I get dizzy and uncertain.  But when I turn to Him--when I remember what God's Word has said...when I remember everything He's pulled me through... 

It's then I can press on, unseeing.

***

This brings to mind my favorite quote from the Oracles of Fire series by Bryan Davis:

"What you have learned in the light, my friend, never doubt when it is dark."

Please, don't ever let darkness cause you to doubt.

~Elissa