Monday, August 13, 2012

My identity = the end of me.

It's okay, this is just the end
Don't be afraid, this is where it begins, oh
'Cause everything here had to fall apart
But in the ruins of a broken heart

I found peace like a river to attend my soul
Hope running over when I let go
I found joy that was hidden for all these years
And love overflowing to wash over everything
Here at the end of me

If you are like me, you will probably agree with this statement:

"I am really concerned with making sure people know who I am--leaving an impression of my identity."

Even if we don't admit it, even if we are "shy" we have this underlying desire for people to know who we are and to respect us.

But, if you are like me, you find yourself struggling with defining this very idea: "what is my identity?"

This point in my life is a definite in-between stage. I'm going into my senior year of high school, I'm trying to decide what college to go to, and I'm trying to trust God with my future.

And it really feels like I'm being blown in the wind, because they are so many different voices trying to tell me who I am.

-Commercials that target teenage girls tell me I have to dress to impress, and have all the latest styles in clothing, hair products, mobile devices, makeup, and perfume.

-My family tells me I need to make the right decisions about my future and yet still find time to spend with them before I move out (scary thought).

-The media tells me (as they have for the past, like, 5 years) that I'm crazy to not have a boyfriend and that I need to hurry up and "start living" or "be normal."

And I'm left in a puddle of self-pity and stress, wondering why I ever wanted to "grow up and be like the big kids." Because, now that I see it all up close, it's not as glamourous as I had expected.

Now, this is the point where I'd like to have all the answers. But since this is about where I am right now, the answers aren't going to be so super clear.  I'd like to have a perfect verse or a snazzy quote...but I don't.

Because this is where my struggle ends, and my hope begins.

This is where I trust Him, and His forgiveness, and His love.

This is where I start again.

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